What a difference(s) a year makes...

A year ago today was Lester's (first) homecoming from Auburn, 11 days after his colic surgery. Would have been his only HCing *if* I hadn't left him with too much hay the first night and had had him on ulcer medication/ preventive. His second trip back was when this whole blog began... Thought I would post pics from this past year...When Lester coliced, Laura from him near the "watering hole" in the big pasture. He was rolling and thrashing on the wet ground and just tore his face up. These wounds have all healed up and didn't leave one scar. Same with his incision sight, no scar there either. There is no evidence on him that would make one think he almost died last year. I was told many times that horses that have colic due to epiploic foramen entrapment and have surgery don't make it a year:-( So being 11 days past the year mark, can I do dare say we are out of the woods? I'm not stupid, I know he could colic, be injured or become sick tomorrow, but I guess now it would not be *tied* to his colic surgery.

I remember saying to Matt when we were in the waiting room at Auburn when Lester first went to surgery, "I always thought Spooky would go first." Not that I wanted her to be in his *place* at that moment at all, I certainly didn't, I just had myself prepared that she would pass on first. And that is what happened, 9 months later Matt and I had to let her go:-( My heart still breaks over her, I love(d) her more than I even wanted to or planned on loving her. I know that sounds strange, I just have always had a way of trying to *protect* my feelings and when she turned out to be the*heart hound of my life* I knew I was going to hurt like hell when I lost her. She was always just *there*. Lester's colic was a blessing in disguise in many ways. It woke me up to the fact I could lose someone I loved *any day*any time* and that the things I thought were important really weren't. I made a point to spend extra quiet moments with both Less and Spooky. During Less' grazing sessions Spooky was there with me and I would sit with her and just watch her and think how lucky I am to have such wonderful beings in my life. I would watch her "sun" herself and roll over on her back and scratch it and ever so often she'd get the courage to come near the *monster* (Lester's front end) and get scratches from me. Sometimes if the weather was cool enough she'd get the "zoomies" and just run around us, course Lester still just grazed away, couldn't have cared less there was Spooky whizzing 40mph right by him:-)

She would get so wound up and I could straddle her and hold her chest in my arms like I was preparing to release her to chase a lure and I'd shout "GO!" and open my arms and she would take off only to spin back around to get set up for another "release" :-) we would do that over and over again, it always cracked me up.

If I lost Lester today I would be more OK with it now then I would have a year ago. Again, not saying that is what I want, I'm just saying I have grown enough this year to know in my heart and mind that I haven't wasted a day with him. What does that mean? Well it means that I appreciate all the little things about him, things that would have possibly bored me in the past or I wouldn't have even taken the time to notice. I ride him more and spend more time with him now. Not saying I don't get mad at him from time :-) it's just now I can't stay mad at him...I just am not letting regrets happen with him. You just aren't going to hear me say "I wish I had spent more time with him and loved on him more." I have a few regrets with Spooky and it kills me that I can't make them up to her now.