Thursday, May 29, 2008

Let's talk about sheaths...baby

Sigh. When does a person truly become *CrazySheathCleaningLady*? :-x I have cleaned 2 sheaths 2 days in a row. It seems like when ever the BO walks into the barn now I'm up to my elbows in a sheath! and of course they [the horses] can't keep a straight face, they cock their heads (no pun intended)and twiddle their little noses in glee. *CSCL* isn't something I have set out to become.

PoloMan hadn't been *cleaned* in IDKwhen? Course I would have been the only one to take on the task and I can't remember the last time. Guess I always felt he had to be *liquored* up first, but he doesn't. Tuesday when I went to take his fly wraps off he was standing there letting *it* all out so I took that as a hint and broke out the baby oil, Excalibur and rubber gloves. I was surprised that P-Lo was so OK about the whole thing, he didn't try to kick or swat me with his tail, he just let me do my *work*. I even got the beans!

And then last night when I was brushing Lester he hiked up his right hind leg as if to say "clean me too please" (I told Polo not to tell Less about his *cleaning*, but he obviously did) . My Lester is the dirtiest boy on the planet! :-o Every night in the pasture Less must say "bet I can get more dirt in my sheath than you can", and he is clearly the winner.

Maybe I'm making up for lost time now:-/ I must have had Lester a few years before I ever thought about going *there*. When ever I went near *it* I got the tail and hind leg. So I left *it* alone. Until one day I noticed Less had a huge swelling in his tummy area. Vet came out and said the edema was caused by infection due to his dirty sheath :-x So I got the bad horse mommy award that day:-( My vet (who was young and hott BTW) liquored Lester up and we both sat there and waited for Lester to relax and drop so he could clean him. [insert dead silence or whistling] Talk about *awkward* and leave it to me to add to the awareness, I asked "How often do you cleans yours"? I meant his horses'.... sigh.

So have I really become *CSCL*? What truly makes a person CSCL? I do technically still ride my horse and do other things at the barn. Just because I am gifted or possess *this* particular skill AND have a *dirty* horse does this make me CSCL?

I started thinking last night if I lost my day job could this be a new career for me? Could I take my act out on the road (ok BAD choice of words there), but you know what I mean. And what would I call myself or what would my business name be?
ETA: WHY do posts not seem too long or big until you publish them?! :-o I just wrote 6 paragraphs about sheaths?? :-o I've really lost it:-(

15 comments:

Mikey said...

Lol, I had to surf in to give you a link on this subject that had me ROLLING...

http://jmatt.net/ElecEq/sheath.html

Yes, us horse people are all a little weird :)
Love your blog!

cdncowgirl said...

LMAO thanks so much for the giggles today!
I'll admit a secret... one of the reasons I prefer mares is that I don't have to clean *there*. Quinn definitely does NOT like that. Even drugged so much that his head was resting on the stocks he got upset. The vet was just checking for a bean, not even doing a full cleaning and poor Quinn looked like he'd been violated! For a good 2 weeks he'd get flinchy when you even brushed his flank and hind legs. lol

Serena said...

This is pure hilarity! "Cocks his head--no pun intended" . . . hee hee hee!
I have gelding-owning friends who PAY someone else to clean it. I think that is nuts--ALSO no pun intended. :-) I mean really, in the grand scheme of things it's NOT that bad! But maybe you COULD do it as a career . . . ;-)

Maria said...

Alright, Denise. You've shown your true colors! What would Dr. Freud say?????

I had a great laugh when you said that you asked your vet how often did he clean his!!!!!!!!!!!!

sidetracked said...

Love your blog. I can especially relate to the sheath cleaning article. I too have a gelding although he is ROTTEN to clean. Only horse people could go on and on about sheaths and the importance of keeping them clean.

inkeq said...

LMAO!

Ok, sorry I had to laugh at this post! The part about asking the vet how often he cleans his...LOL omg my face would be so red. xD

I haven't cleaned Ink yet. But I guess I should. He's really open to me rubbing his belly so I don't think it would be a problem.

I'm new to sheath cleaning but I've heard that you can use dish soap like Dawn and water with a sponge or something? That sounds like 'ouch' to me.

Stephanie said...

Very funny post - of course always more fun for the reader.

I have to admit I am lazy there too - I pay my vet to do it twice a year once during fall "come home from the trainer time" and once during spring "shot and teeth float time".

I gag last time I tried.

Been meaning to comment on your blog for a awhile.

On one of your earlier posts - happy anniversary! I have and anniversary like that - I will have to post on it this summer when it comes around.

Denise- LessIsMore17 said...

Phew! thanks for not calling me *CSCL*... yet, we all know every barn has one...

mikey- thanks for the link, I had read that before and it is very funny and educational!

cdn- mares need *cleaning* too, my mare used to get pretty gunky, but since we're women we don't find it as humorous:-)

Denise- LessIsMore17 said...

Serena, Maria, Ink, I constantly put my foot in my mouth:-x and I never learn.

serena- if I lose my day job I'm going to go into the weenie biz.. just need a catchy name:-)

maria- I dare say, who is Freud? I know I should probably know

sidetracked-you just got romance him a bit more:-/

Steph- you only get Stretch cleaned twice a year :-o and he shows in Horsemanship classes!-don't they check *there*? :-) you must be blessed with a clean boy...

Inkeq- no time like the present! does Ink drop when you groom? My advice would be start out slow, don't just set out one day to do the deed... Less used to hate it and swat and me and try and kick and then I started just picking here and there:-) Less is more after all....

OK, i'm getting off my sheath box now. Time to go ride! no sheath cleaning today!

Momma / Cowgirl said...

How enlightening... and what a hoot you are! My colt hasn't got his thorough cleaning yet either... I am bad, he is 2.
But the other day he had a hunk of dirt hanging from , you know, and he let me fiddle around and get it out, maybe he will be calm about the whole thing. Something I should do this weekend.
I will have to add you to my blogroll and my ever growing blogs to read daily list.

Mikey, thanks for the link!
take care and happy horsin' around!

inkeq said...

Yeah he does

Maria said...

You know, Freud...penis envy, the Electra and Oedipus complexes...LOL

Trail Riding Cowgirl said...

Just found your blog via someone else's. Laughed til I was crying on this post! I will pay you to come do my two geldings!

Stephanie said...

Ya know he is a clean gelding - what an odd conversation?!.....but no they don't check in Horsemanship - they do in Showmanship and Halter but luckily not riding events!! :)

greytblackdog said...

After reading this post, I went to the barn and cleaned Clyde. I only had two teenage boys ask me to clean theirs when I was done. I pulled out the water hose and squirted them with it.

While arm deep in cleaning mode, I told the barn owner your story - "how often do you clean yours?" I think we both almost wet our pants laughing.

I have to admit I didn't want to eat dinner when I was done.