I miss you Spooky

There's no place that far...

I first want to apologize for the music that came on when you came here today...but it's in honor of Spooky. It was the first song I heard after Spooky died. She would have been 12 years old tomorrow, but Matt and I lost her in February. After we left the vet's that day I had to pick up a blanket for Lester- the tack shop was near the vet's and that was the plan (I didn't know I would be putting her to sleep that day). When I walked into the store this song, by Sara Evans was playing and was in it's main chorus, "If I had to run, if I had to crawl, If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,Theres no place that far"


There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and wish she was still here. I long to feel her furry rested head on my shoulder at every red light I come to.

I have never loved a dog so much and don't plan to again, if I can help it. I'm weird like that.

I miss you, my one and only "Heart" dog.

What a difference(s) a year makes...

A year ago today was Lester's (first) homecoming from Auburn, 11 days after his colic surgery. Would have been his only HCing *if* I hadn't left him with too much hay the first night and had had him on ulcer medication/ preventive. His second trip back was when this whole blog began... Thought I would post pics from this past year...When Lester coliced, Laura from him near the "watering hole" in the big pasture. He was rolling and thrashing on the wet ground and just tore his face up. These wounds have all healed up and didn't leave one scar. Same with his incision sight, no scar there either. There is no evidence on him that would make one think he almost died last year. I was told many times that horses that have colic due to epiploic foramen entrapment and have surgery don't make it a year:-( So being 11 days past the year mark, can I do dare say we are out of the woods? I'm not stupid, I know he could colic, be injured or become sick tomorrow, but I guess now it would not be *tied* to his colic surgery.

I remember saying to Matt when we were in the waiting room at Auburn when Lester first went to surgery, "I always thought Spooky would go first." Not that I wanted her to be in his *place* at that moment at all, I certainly didn't, I just had myself prepared that she would pass on first. And that is what happened, 9 months later Matt and I had to let her go:-( My heart still breaks over her, I love(d) her more than I even wanted to or planned on loving her. I know that sounds strange, I just have always had a way of trying to *protect* my feelings and when she turned out to be the*heart hound of my life* I knew I was going to hurt like hell when I lost her. She was always just *there*. Lester's colic was a blessing in disguise in many ways. It woke me up to the fact I could lose someone I loved *any day*any time* and that the things I thought were important really weren't. I made a point to spend extra quiet moments with both Less and Spooky. During Less' grazing sessions Spooky was there with me and I would sit with her and just watch her and think how lucky I am to have such wonderful beings in my life. I would watch her "sun" herself and roll over on her back and scratch it and ever so often she'd get the courage to come near the *monster* (Lester's front end) and get scratches from me. Sometimes if the weather was cool enough she'd get the "zoomies" and just run around us, course Lester still just grazed away, couldn't have cared less there was Spooky whizzing 40mph right by him:-)

She would get so wound up and I could straddle her and hold her chest in my arms like I was preparing to release her to chase a lure and I'd shout "GO!" and open my arms and she would take off only to spin back around to get set up for another "release" :-) we would do that over and over again, it always cracked me up.

If I lost Lester today I would be more OK with it now then I would have a year ago. Again, not saying that is what I want, I'm just saying I have grown enough this year to know in my heart and mind that I haven't wasted a day with him. What does that mean? Well it means that I appreciate all the little things about him, things that would have possibly bored me in the past or I wouldn't have even taken the time to notice. I ride him more and spend more time with him now. Not saying I don't get mad at him from time :-) it's just now I can't stay mad at him...I just am not letting regrets happen with him. You just aren't going to hear me say "I wish I had spent more time with him and loved on him more." I have a few regrets with Spooky and it kills me that I can't make them up to her now.

Spooky's Memory Page

It has taken me over 2 months to finish her portrait and find the words for her "In Memoriam" page, but it is done.

Click on her image to access the page at the

South Eastern Greyhound Adoption site.

My Spooky Arrived

My memory glass pendent with Spooky's ashes arrived on Saturday. It's gorgeous and VERY special to me so unique just like Spooky was. There were many colors to chose from, but I loved the "eternal purple".
Matt and I have agreed on what to do with Spooky's remaining ashes, she will be laid to rest at the farm, her second home.
Closure is setting in. My pendent has arrived, I have finally finished her portrait for the memoriam site (yes, I'm that anal and changed it even more)- it's finally "her" in my eyes and the words for the memoriam site are coming to me as well.
The Memory Glass service was so fast, professional and made the whole process so easy. I have to admit I didn't know what to expect as far as the kit and having to collect the ashes- but that's because I didn't read the ordering process page :-p I highly recommend them.

Sweet Dreams....NOT

I've been having nightmares every night. Not reoccurring, they are all different. A few of them that I can remember and actually "explain" : Lester's foot fell off in one, another I was trying to escape from a slaughterhouse with the help of two people that were only setting me up to be caught and last night I woke up, well Matt woke me up because I was screaming "I'm going to F-ing kill you" (poor Jetta)- my sleeping habits have unnerved many a dog before:-/ But what else is there to say when a giant spider is clinging to your back? and at least I stayed in bed sometimes I jump out of bed screaming obscenities...and doing odd things o:-)

Spooky used to ALWAYS sleep with me when I first got her, but she too started to prefer the floor :-x In the last year every once in a while she would sleep in the bed with me and Matt would graciously take the couch without being asked. I would wake up the next morning and ask where he slept and he would say "Well Spooky was still in the bed with you and I wasn't about to make her move!" I think it's something she knew I wanted and liked and knew our time together was getting shorter. I loved it when I would turn over and sleep on my stomach and could feel her head or one of her long legs on my lower back- such comfort to me.

Oddly enough we had an OK night with Miss Limings (Limo) . I took the dogs to the farm with the dog handler (Matt) again so they were both pretty tired. Jen (big sis) is trying to help us with our raging beast, the fear protector. She really is a GOOD girl though. She waits to be told when she can eat. You put the food bowl down in front of her and she will look at her food and then look up at you "asking" if it's OK to eat yet. The word is OK and sometimes you have to tell her twice and the water faucet has to be off too- she won't believe you if it's not...She can be off lead in the front yard and be told to ignore cats, neighbors, cars and other dogs. She walks nicely on a leash and will sit on command though it takes a lil time cuz she has to swing out those hind legs.

Memory Glass ~ Spooky

So I got my Memory Glass kit the other day and had Matt gather up some of Spooky's ashes last night and have sent away for my Memory Glass Pendent. The kit got here fast and came with a little scoop, pill bottle, return mailing supplies and detailed instructions on how to proceed. I didn't really know what to expect, but this was easy to do. Now it just needs to be taken to the post office and sent as registered mail and in about 2-4 weeks I should receive a beautiful pendent with some of Spooky's ashes inter mixed through the glass.

I didn't like the idea of wearing urn type jewelry carrying some of her ashes, it just didn't' appeal to me. And I couldn't afford the $3500 diamond I wanted made from her ashes from Life Gem. I really hate rich people ( like Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and any other spoiled brats born into money and are just a nuisance to society) who don't have to think about money and can decide to do things based on the fact they want it and not can they afford it- it's not fair! So the Memory Glass pendent was a great alternative for me.

There she is in the little flowery tin canister on the mantle with sympathy cards and 2 or her collars around a vase that has petals from flowers we received. The orange collar with the writing from what looks like white out was her track and kennel collar. And the black flowery collar was her fancy outing collar. I don't have her "everyday" collar as it was cremated along with her. Oh and BTW Dogwood never called me back - I had wanted to talk to the tech and vet that were there that day personally and the office lady said she would have them call me. Well from talking to the crematory place and thinking back on the events I finally came to my own conclusion that she was indeed cremated with the collar.

Like I said in an earlier post I had gotten a call from Altoona Animal Hospital checking up on Spooky last week and I had to tell them she had passed on. Well I got a card the other day from them with a hand written message that they had made a donation in Spooky's name to the local animal shelter - like we had been a life long client of theirs and we had only had the one appointment. I found it incredibly nice of them and very unexpected!

Grumble, grumble, grumble...

Where did that giant (Jetta) come from? I thought I was the only dog... (insert cussing)...

I'll admit though I miss the big black dog even though I would snarl at her too... she would just ignore my snarls, is that just a greyhound thing? Why doesn't anyone take me seriously? She did let me share the bench seat with her in the car though...

so I guess that was niiiice of her.

At least she would play with me... and I like'd it rough...

Tug-o-war was one of our favorite games, she usually won though :-<
We all miss you Spooky.

It's Jetta the big male greyhound...

Well Jetta the 80lb male is the one of the three that didn't want to eat Limo. The two girls just kept licking their chops and lungeing at her. Lil Lim was a star though, VERY well behaved with the 3 greys we tried and she finally wagged her tail with Jetta so we have him in our care now. Course now that he's with us Limo has commenced snarling again. Snarly magee is what Matt and I call her...
Oh I know I'm not supposed to change the name, but Jetta is a girl's name! So I think it should be Jedi... Matt is liking him a little too well ;-) but he just keeps saying "I want him to have a good time while he's here"...uh huh.
Ready for a coinky dink? This guy and Spooky have the same father, Grey's Statesman, man he must really get around! but geeze, how likely would it really be to get one that was the father of Spooky. He also drinks like her, lap lap lap= all over the floor... He's very soft and just a big lug. Travels great in the car, goes right to sleep really.

Leap year...

Won't see this date posted anywhere for another 4 years... would it have been too much to ask that Spooky pass today instead of on the 1st of this month? To not have to relive the "day", but only every 4 years? I'm funny about dates more than the next person I think. When I got back to work on Feb. 3rd and was working through work orders that had the 1st on them, well I just rushed through them as if to make them disappear- I didn't any time on them because really if everyone before me did their job correctly then the account should be correct... I think in a strange way I envy anyone losing a loved one today as long as it's been their time coming.

So we pick up a greyhound tomorrow to foster for a while. Who will it be?
Emma












Kadabra
Jetta
Who ever tries to eat Limo the least will be the one.
Let the snarl fest begin (Limo is a real biotch and wants us all to herself)

Opened the flood gates...

It's weird what will bring on the uncontrollable tears. I just got a call from the Altoonna Animal hospital where Spooky had her acupuncture done telling me they never received her xrays and wanted to know if I wanted to schedule a visit:-( I wish I could. Afterall it's only been a little over 3 weeks. I shocked her by telling her that Spooky had died, I guess it's having to say those words aloud that bring on the tears it's still just so raw:-( The lady was very sympathetic.
Dr. Wanksy had warned me that *if* she had cancer that it could speed it up. I asked what that meant and she assured me that meant by a week and not months. I do think the acupuncture and laser treatment sped up her death, but I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. Spooky was withering away, I could see it in her face and body. I just didn't want to accept it so I tried to think and treat it as an injury. Even though I did know it wasn't good. My friend Teresa lost her greyhound Smokey in the exact same way. She believes a teeth cleaning sped up his cancer spreading, he too lost use of his hindend. It all just happens so fast, you just never know when their last run, last tail wag, their last endearing moment towards you will be:-( It was hard on both of us having her lose the use of her hindend so I guess the sooner we didn't have to deal with that anymore the better. I like to think that Smokey greeted Spooky during her passing since they lived together and had sleep overs together for many many years. Smokey was the laziest greyhound I have ever known, but he was a clever one:-) He always had to have the best dog bed and if another dog had it he would fool us ALL by barking at any hour of the night to be let out. I would drag my lazy butt out of bed and open the door to see Rosie, Spooky, Cafree or Fesstus and what ever foster she had at the moment zoom out (they had fallen for the "there's something outside bark" where as I would fall for the "hafta pee bark), but there was never Smokey. I would go back to the bedroom to find him all nestled up in the best dog bed and he wasn't going to budge.

Whatta you think?

It prints out nicely- I could call it done, but I will still tweak it here and there. Does it look like her? My feelings won't be hurt, I want it to be perfect so please critique. I didn't add all the white, this is sort of her younger version:-)

Crumpled clothes...

This morning I woke up about 5AM and I thought some of my crumpled clothes on the floor were Spooky:-( I could see "her" in two differnt angles with the clothes. I sat there and stared and took a few minutes to believe it was her. Then Limo started licking and it really was "her" as that was one of the angels I could see her in... I wake up and have to remind myselft every morning that she is gone. No more waking up to her peacefully laying on her bed and then getting up and putting her head on the bed as soon as we make eye contact. No more just standing around and getting in my way in the mornings before work:-( OH how I wish she were in the way now... I'd be trying to put my socks on while sitting on the bed and she'd come put her head on my leg, course I had to stop and pet her who wouldn't.

Lay your head on my shoulder...

Driving home for lunch today to pick Limo up it all the sudden hit me that I would never feel Spooky put her sweet head on my shoulder ever again:-( This wasn't something that I taught her or coherced her to do and it wasn't something I had to or would ask her to do...We were coming home from a shopping trip and were sitting at a red light and all of a sudden I felt her head on my right shoulder. I remember it pretty well because there were kids in the next car over that made such a happy face and pointed at us. I remember thinking OMG this is so sweet and that it was going to be a one time thing. As soon as I started to drive off she laid down again. She wouldn't do it at every redlight, but she would on most of them. One night I wasn't expecting it, I don't know what I could have been thinking about because she scared the crap out of me it made me jump, but not so much as to disturb her because I looked over and she just looked so peaceful and content and it just made me smile...

Did I mention Spooky was perfect? It did take a bit of time...

*No seperation anxiety

*Not a storm or fireworks phob

*Would let me sleep in!

Some other things I forgot to mention about her was she was fine to be alone meaning she didn't have seperation anxiety, we lived in an apartment for the first 6-8 months we were together and did just fine when I had to go to work, other than that I took her EVERYWHERE else. I remember after I had adopted her and had chosen an apartment I read they only allowed 50 or 60 lb dogs to live there and Spooky was a good 70 lbs! So I drove to the office to talk to management and they laughed and didn't believe me when I told them how much she weighed and they all just fell in love with her. They had no problems with Spooky:-) nor did anyone ever.

Most people don't believe me or just don't remember, but Spooky was TERRIFIED of men when I first adopted her and she was TERRIFIED of other breeds (imagine if she had met Limo back then :-o ) I took her to Petsmart daily as there was one about a 5 mins drive away from us. She would freeze, that cury tail would be so far tucked and if another dog wanted to smell her or get close? You could forget it! She embarrised me A LOT when we would go in there :-) A great dane sniffed her behind once and she screamed and collapsed because her claws came out on the slick floor. Our routine was to enter Petsmart and go directly to the treat isle, open up a bag of yummy treats and make the rounds around the store. Everytime we saw a dog I gave her a treat and kept moving. One time there was a lady with a VERY well trained collie and we got to talking from a far (Spooky wouldn't even look at her collie) and she asked if I wanted her to put her collie in a sit stay and let Spooky come to him and sniff him. I said sure and the collie was a saint, he just sat there when Spooky scrambled up a pile of dogfood bags to get away from him :-) I don't remember what happened next, I probably picked Spooky up off the dogfood bags, thanked the woman and went home. Wow, it's so WEIRD to think of these days as she did not leave the world as the same dog she came in as. I think the key to my success with helping Spooky out of her shell was I pretty much tried to ignore her dramatic behaviors when she was terrified of something. Meaning I wouldn't baby her and love on her as to praise this behavior. I have no idea when it was, but something happened and it was like a switch went off that she was suddenly fine and happy about going to Petsmart- it was a few years later, BUT it still happened. Eventually she got to start picking out her own toys! and she would carry it around in the store with her.

Spooky HATED men at first. (The pic of Spooky and the scary man was actually taken AFTER she had gotten used to men :-) I just think it's a funny pic- That guy is an animal lover and she was very comfortable around him and liked him even though the pic says otherwise :-p I brought her to work several times and one morning they wanted to dress her up in their work clothes :-) I don't really know why...lol

But she wasn't always comfortable around men.

My mom and I could be loving on her and playing with her and my dad would walk in the room and she would just cower, shut down and try and hide in a corner. I don't even remember how we worked on this though? I do know that the photo I have of my parents and Spooky is the first time she ever jumped on the couch with my dad:-) Hence the photo op. She disliked the few guys I dated during that time too. I can remember this particular guy reaching out to pet her and she growled at him and was very leery of him like she didn't trust him.

Eventually she loved everyone though, well except for the pest exterminator. Matt and I sorta slummed for a year and a half and rented a house near work, from the company we worked for. It was an OLD old house, some of the floor was uneven in places and the best part was the 7ft ceiling:-) LOL, I'm not kidding I would get dressed in the mornings and hit my knuckles on the ceilings. Boy was it worth it though. Being so close to work allowed me to come home and pick Spooky up EVERYDAY after work and take her to the farm with me. I love the fact I was able to do that in her last year. So being a very old house, it needed to be sprayed for bugs every month. I would meet the pest control guy get Spooky out of the house so 1 she wouldn't have to smell the stuff and 2 I really was worried she might bite the man! She HATED him, even when I would talk to him outside and try and convince her he was OK she was not having it. She'd growl and be very leery. She had a nice, deep, firocious growl and bark.

2 weeks

So it's been 2 weeks now since Spooky's death. I'm still drinking at night probably more than I should, but sometimes I just want to be numb and not have to think. I woke up this morning and thought Limo's head was Spooky's for a second... I uploaded alot of pictures to the CVS photo center website and got them printed out. I'm happy to report that most of the pics came out well and better than I thought they would. I now have a framed photo of Spooky and I on the mantle and it makes me feel better. I put the rest of the photos in a little album as a Valentine's Day gift for both Matt and myself.
Gosh I miss her.
I remember when we would housesit for a house in Sandy Springs they had 3 or 4 greyhound which meant toys galore. Spooky was a toy hound, LOVED toys, but would never destroy them. When we went to this house she would claim a dog bed for the weekend and then go around the house and gather up all the toys and take them to "her" bed. She would just lay there with all the soft toys, I distinctly remember a pig being one of the favorites. If I left the room she'd pick the pig to come too- she could never let me out of her sight when she had the choice.
At home we had a basket of toys and she always had to have every toy out. When ever we went somewhere new she would scope out the place and see what toys they had. One of the first times I took her to my parents' house she left the room and came back with a teddy bear that was sitting in the dining room, I think it was in a highchair or something. After that I had to buy dog toys to keep at my parents house as they were dogless for years.

Matt brought up an excellent point

He does so every once in a while ;-) and I didn't see it this way, but he said to me last night that he's OK with the loss of her collar because in return she was laid to rest in our car. He said he was sure that "normal" procedure wasn't followed since they had to take her out of the car. He is right. I'm at peace now that I don't have her collar; we exchanged it for a peaceful end for her. I don't fault the vet office anymore. Dr. Morris said he would give us a moment before they took her away that day, but I told him that no, I was ready. That would have been the time to get the collar. Dr. Morris told Matt to walk me away while they took her from the car. I am expecting a call from either Dr. Morris or the vet tech, I think her name is Ashley and I will be sure to thank them for following my wishes that day.

Don't make my mistake

Ask for your pet's collars and tags up front when they pass. I didn't know this was something I had to tell my vet and apprently her collar was cremated with her. Makes me feel a little better knowing it wasn't lost, but it is still something I really wanted to have. I called my vet office and the crematory place. My vet office said the pet's are sent in a bag after being identified with a tag- the tag is on the bag. When I called the crematory place I got a little more info then I wanted:-/ He said they don't even look in or open the bag. The pet, bag, and whatever is in the bag is cremated. The remains are then put through a sifter to take out the bone fragments so there is no chance of me even having her tag:-(

Don't make my mistake, ask for the collars and tags up front even though I think it should be a "given"........also talk to your vets about when that sad time does come would they be willing to put them to sleep at home or in your vehicle.

Spooky's Life

I have finally completed the remix slideshow I've done in honor of Spooky. None of the pics or video will do her justice, she was the most enjoyable girl to be around and she loved everyone. When we would go to visit my parents she would stand at the front door and just wag her tail like crazy and she was welcomed everywhere.

She's home again

Matt went and picked up her ashes today. Like I said, I didn't want to do it. I'm not sure I can even hold them. I had asked Matt to ask about her collar and they have apparently lost it:-( I knew I should have taken it the day she died. But I didn't want to take it off before she was gone and when she went stiff I didn't want to be there anymore:-( Damn it. I still have her pretty collar that was hers, but don't have her tag.