Wednesday, February 6, 2008

One day at a time...

I've been going through literally hundreds of online photos of Spooky. I am so thankful I have them. Even the "bad" photos where leg positioning isn't perfect or the color is wrong or whatever will be treasured. I can not tell all of you enough to TAKE more pictures, there is no excuse in this digital age. I am sad though that Matt and I don't have 1 photo of just the 3 of us together.
I'm doing better than I thought I would. I can remember when she was alive that I would sometimes wondered about what life would be like when she was gone. I think women tend to do this more than men because Matt would always get upset with me and tell me to not think that way and enjoy her while she was here. But I never could imagine my life without her and here I am today and she is gone. I do feel her though, she is still with me and always will be. She was a "quiet" dog yet you always knew she was there.

Is it weird for me to feel relieved that her death is over? I mean it's something I have thought about and intisipated before. Thinking of the day I would have to bring her to the vet that final time and lay on that cold floor with her and say good bye. I always worried about having to make that decision of when to let her go. I had no idea it would all play out the way it did, but I do take huge comfort that for one it is over, I don't have to wonder anymore and that she was laid to rest with Matt and I in a very familiar place.

I can open my heart a little more for Limo now. I've always had a hard time sharing my love between 2 of the same type of beings... I felt OK giving Limo the "left over" love I had because she was a rescue and had a wonderful life ahead of her. I never would have gone and looked for a second dog. I had always wanted a bit of an unusual, homely dog and well Limo definently fits that bill! She is the EXACT opposite of Spooky and I love that and needed that.

Everyone is surprised, Matt included when I say I don't want another greyhound. Not now at least. Spooky was perfect and that is the best way to describe her. She had no major titles or accomplishments and it doesnt' matter. I think in the last year Spooky realized our time was getting shorter. She began to sleep in my bed again or at least spend some cuddle time with me and she hadn't done that in years.

I've been to the farm to see Lester everyday. In fact Matt and Limo have come out everyday too. We all need each other. I haven't ridden in over a week and I don't know when I will ride again. He's been really dirty lately anyways.
I've been drinking alot of wine lately to take the edge off, perhaps too much, but nights are the hardest times.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I totally understand the "relief" aspect of it. When they are starting to suffer its hard to watch the decline especially when they can't tell you what they need or how they feel. Its a guessing game and when its finally over, you have no more decisions to make.